I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize