READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
