I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
