Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
