im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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