so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
