If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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