u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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