No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
