that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
