I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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