Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
