Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
a search helicopter?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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