allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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