No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
