I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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