Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
