Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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