yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
