Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
