we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
