I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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