I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
