he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
