im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
