eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
