just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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