I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
