We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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