I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
