Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
