Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
