I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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