saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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