I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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