the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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