I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're making bets on your personal life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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