Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
