There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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