I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
