Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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