Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
