he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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