tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
