Just took my morning after pill in the library
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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