i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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