Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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