I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
