The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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