She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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