Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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