and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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