then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
