I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
