Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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