So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
