Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
