tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Watching her eat just hurts me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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