At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
