So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Couch. On fire.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
