I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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