oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
