if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
