He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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