I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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