On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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