Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
