The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
