Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize