I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize