so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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