Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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