God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
