I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
