That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
