It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
