Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
