Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
