Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
