Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
