Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
